


Confessions of P. Stump

by voidboistump



Category: Fall Out Boy, Soul Punk - Patrick Stump (Album)
Genre: I'm super sorry to their partners, I'm sure they're wonderful people, M/M, Save Rock and Roll, Soul Punk Era, a very painful hiatus, but let me live, my sister told me I needed to add more tags so I'm trying, what if they were lying to us all along
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:42:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23525572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voidboistump/pseuds/voidboistump
Summary: This is it. You've all wanted to know the truth. The speculations, the rumors, everything is true. Pete and I are more than just friends.What if Patrick decided to reveal to the world what we've all been hoping is true? What if one day, a blogger by the name "P. Stump" suddenly posted all these details about his and Pete's relationship throughout the years? Well, imagine no more.
Relationships: Patrick Stump/Pete Wentz
Comments: 10
Kudos: 18





	1. Entry One: The Truth Comes Out

**Author's Note:**

> I'm FINALLY getting this off my chest! I hate it so much but if I didn't write a Peterick fanfic I'd most absolutely go mad. So I'm so sorry, but also enjoy.

Okay, here it is. This is what you all wanted, and I just can’t hide it anymore. The speculation, the blog posts, even the media has suspected us for a long time. I guess it’s unwise to blow our cover right when you all believed us, but it just doesn’t feel right anymore. 

Yes, it’s true. Pete and I...we’ve always been more than just the surface level you’ve seen. Not always dating, but always in something that could be described as love. All of the external stuff you see...well I’ll get to that eventually. 

I didn’t think we were famous enough. When it was suggested to us that we hire actors to play our wives and children, it was all a lot to take in. They didn’t want us to be gay. The whole world would rather accept a lie than a truth where two men are in love. But sometimes, that’s how it is. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made to get to the point where you really want to be. 

So...here it is. Here is everything you ever wanted to know about me and Pete. I’m finally coming clean about this. I can’t hold it back any longer. Please enjoy. 

\----------------------

It started all those years ago, when we used to play together in a little band. Of course, back then it was hard to admit that we had feelings for each other, but they were still there. I think Pete has always been more open about it than me, because that’s just how he is. I mean, obviously he enjoys being the star of the show. That’s something I admire about him. He’s always bringing us out of our shells. The band wouldn’t exist without that personality. 

We never actually came out and said we had feelings for each other. I think at that point, we were just acting out of impulse, letting the emotions control us and run their course. Maybe it was a phase. He would kiss me on stage, hug me...it made the crowd go wild and I think he liked the attention. As for me, I’ve always been a lot more private than him, so it was difficult for me to return the affection, even though I liked it on some level that I didn’t understand. 

But it was always just a show. That’s what he led me to believe. That’s what he made everyone believe. When we would leave the stage, we were just normal friends. That’s the only way I could tolerate it. I was just a teenager, so of course I was averted to being shown affection from someone older. He was my role model, almost like a second father to me. 

There were a lot of moments where I felt like it was more than a joke of course, but I was already struggling with my identity enough to humor it. There were times I wanted to beg him to stop, as my mind went wild with thoughts of us really being together. I used to put myself in time out to calm down. Pete didn’t like me that way, and he never could. He was like that with everyone, I was just the only one that was constantly with him, so of course I’d get it the most. I was an outlet. 

Then he wrote a song about me. 

Every night, I stood up on stage and sang the lyrics that were meant for me, and even though he never said it, I could feel it. It was our situation, our moment, our eyes. I think this was his way of asking me out in a way, in a very romantic, embarrassing way. After that, everything changed. His flirting was more private, when it was just the two of us. It was soft and comforting. He would touch me gently in the tour bus, or when we were eating together. Still, it was nothing explicit. 

It's a general rule that you know you’re in trouble when you realize you’re in love. The night we fell in love definitely felt like the beginning of all our modern problems, but it was the most beautiful thing that has ever happened in my life. It was the last night of a tour, memory escapes me exactly which tour but the lingering talk of hiatus was blowing on the wind like an ominous cloud of pollution on its way to kill something beautiful. Pete was high, I remember that because he smelled of soft smoke and salt and faded cologne. The thing about our secret relationship was it was always under the cover of night, it lived in the cover of moonlight and stars. So that night, just like the others, we snuck away to the hotel pool and something like relief washed over me when only Pete and I showed up. To this day I’m not sure what prevented the others from meeting up with us that night, but I wonder what would have been different if they had. 

Pete immediately stripped his shirt off and jumped in the pool, laughing quietly at the stupid jokes we made and making small talk. I was swimming in a t-shirt as usual, always paranoid about someone watching. The fame was really starting to eat away at me at that point, which is why this moment is so significant to me because for a moment, I forgot about the possibility that anyone was watching. My deep dark fears of showing up in some tabloid the next morning after a night of bad choices completely disappeared as Pete swam over to me and I felt him grip the hem of my shirt. He slid it over my head and threw it to the side of the pool, where it landed with a smack. It was the beginning of the most intense silence I’d ever felt, with his body close to mine and my eyes unable to leave his gaze. 

Yes, I’d kissed him before, on some drunken tirade. But that was in front of everyone. It was for show. As he looked at me, I felt the first pangs of emotion rise up inside of me, manifesting in my lips and my shoulders propelling me forward towards him. 

When our lips met, I could feel all the worry wash away from me. My body relaxed. An undetermined amount of time passed where I was completely his and he was mine. It was at that point that I knew that I really did love him, as more than a friend, more than a brother. 

Shortly after that, the fighting became too much for everyone. Joe and Andy didn’t know, but we did. The thing is, we never talked about that night at the pool. We just let the emotions eat up at us like a disease that we refused the medication for. Every petty fight we had as a band had an undertone of  unconfessed lovers that made it more emotionally charged than it needed to be.    


I hate blaming the hiatus on me and Pete, because I feel like that would anger all of the fans even more than we already did. But in all honesty, the band might have survived those times had it not been for what was going on between us. I know all those things about physical aggression came out in interviews as jokes, but it truly hurt me all the times my fist met his face, all the times his hand met mine. It’s said that you feel hate as intensely as love because they come from the same location in the brain, and speaking from experience, I’d say that’s true. 

So the band broke up. Pete talked the most about how we’d never get back together. It broke my heart but I was relieved to not have to see him every day, to wonder what could have been. 

That’s the real story. I think I need to call it a night here. I wish I had the energy to type up everything in one go, because I know the hate and the press and all the stuff that’s going to pop up overnight will be hell on my emotions. But I think this should be plenty to chew on until I can get up the energy to tell you the rest. As always, much love. 


	2. Entry Two: My Soul Punk Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright I've decided to completely shatter my reputation and publicly say that I'm going for weekly Tuesday uploads on this shit so get ready. >.>

Being separated from Pete, from the band, from Joe and Andy...all of that was really hard for me. I admit, I went through a long period where I just felt completely useless, like I wasn’t good enough for anyone or anybody. I spent a lot of time alone, a lot of time working on myself. This is when I lost all the weight, famously. We’re always told not to change ourselves for the people we love, especially when those people are lovers, when they don’t care about who you are other than a quick fuck, a passing moment. But the thing is, those long days that I spent alone, writing what would later become my solo project and changing my body, that’s when I finally admitted to myself that I loved Pete. I did love him, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it. Suddenly, the healthy changes to my body, the music, the self improvement in general all became for him. It was the biggest show I’d ever put on. 

We talked here and there during those long six years, but it was usually few and far between. There were days that I got completely lost in my writing, and days I stayed in bed and jumped at any noise my phone made from its perch on my bedside table. I remember doing this little routine on my runs where I would breathe Pete’s name when my right foot hit the ground. I remember thinking about how he would gasp and laugh when he saw my hair. I ran my hands through it for the first time at the hairdresser’s and imagined it was Pete’s hand. 

I know I sound obsessive, and for the most part, I was. I couldn’t stop thinking about him and all the things we've shared together. He had been such an important part of growing up, the best friend I’d ever had. And now he was just gone. It was like grasping for the one thing that I knew could save me and make me feel better, but constantly coming back empty handed. When Soul Punk was finally done, and the tour started and I got to experience being the star of the show, that is when I finally started to forget. That is when the nightmares stopped, when the feelings of worthlessness subsided, and when I finally believed I could move on without him. 

I will never think negatively of those times, no matter how dark things had to get to reach that point. I honestly had a blast being myself and showing the world who I wanted to be behind the mask of Fall Out Boy. It was like getting over a bad breakup and then coming out on the other side a better person with a new outlook. That was who I was then. 

But of course, it didn’t last. I was already working on the next album, despite suggestions from my manager and producer to take a different approach, reminding me of the poor sales numbers. It didn’t matter how dedicated my fans were, there were simply not enough of them to keep going. But I didn’t care. I was finally okay, I was finally happy, and I wanted to keep chasing that feeling. 

Yes, I’d gotten some texts from Pete since hiatus, even a phone call or two. But never more than the formalities. I had to lie to a lot of people back then about what was really going on. I mean, we used to be best friends and now all of a sudden we barely talked. It really was like a breakup. 

Then suddenly everything changed. It was fall, the cold air blowing through the windows in my house, my second album under production. I had everything spread out around me in a chaotic mess, just the way I liked it. Pete called me that day, and the surreal feeling I got whenever I saw his name on the screen washed over me stronger than ever, a feeling of my past coming back to life and haunting me in a beautiful way. 

We talked for a long time, it had been a while since we spoke at that point and there were a lot of little things to go over to catch up. But something felt different in his voice, and before I knew it, the sun had shone its last light on the wall of my music room, and the air got so cold I had to move from my chair to close the window. 

“Pete,” I breathed so softly as our conversation lulled, “I think we should continue this conversation in person.” He was silent for a while. I knew it was a big thing to ask, considering he was living in California and I was back home. But after a few moments, he agreed. He booked a flight for the following week, and I was a wreck for the entire time we waited. I cleaned my house several times, tried to write music and failed terribly, and even did some nervous shopping online. 

It was like the two parts of me were coming together, that part of me that rose to fame too quickly, that was scared at any mention or element of fame, and the me I was now, with a new body and something to call my own. I didn’t know how the me I was would react to Pete, now that I was more comfortable in my body and my personality. It was like meeting him as a child and now getting to meet him as an adult. 

His smile was the first thing I noticed when I opened the door that night. The second thing I noticed was how truly gorgeous he was to me. I used to think it all the time, I really did. But back then, when I was blessed with seeing him every night and being with him all the time whether I liked it or not. He was my best friend, and I would never consider him anything more. I think even after that first kiss, he existed in a realm of my brain that would cause him to be permanently trapped in a non-romantic state. You just don’t date your best friends. 

But apparently, you do kiss your best friends. You run to them when you see them for the first time in years and press your lips to them passionately as if to try and tell them that the distance hurt more than any pain you’ve ever felt with just your lips. You let your friends touch your hair that you bleached the hell out of just to feel more worthy of them. You let your friends make you feel things you never thought you would feel for another person. I’d never known what it meant to be lovesick until that night, when I kissed him and he kissed me with a passion that fueled the fires of our future. I never wanted to stop feeling his skin under my fingertips, never wanted to hear another voice in my ear, never wanted to tell him goodbye. 

That night did end, however, and I’d rather not divulge everything that happened. I think the most important thing that took place was that we both finally admitted to each other that this was love. This was more than friendship. Maybe our friendship was the foundation, yes, but the house was love. 

After that night, Pete flew out often to visit me, and I even jumped on a plane to visit him once. Every time felt like an affair, even though we were both single. We had to hide from anyone who might still be watching us, anyone who would still be interested in what the previous members of Fall Out Boy were up to. But once the windows were shut and the doors were locked. Everything felt better. Everything felt right. 

That’s why I agreed to start the band again.


	3. Entry Three: The Comeback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick agrees to Pete's wild plans, and the boys get the band back together. But it wasn't meant to last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a hard time finding out when Patrick actually stopped doing Q&A’s, so I apologize if the timeline is a little off. I kinda rushed this chapter so I’m not too proud of it. Honestly I sat down to write this chapter and edit it real good, but then my crush asked to come over and I just ended up sinning all night. Please forgive me. Good news is, I have another fic in the works for when this one ends, so I hope you’ll stick around.

It was Pete’s idea to hire the actors to play our fake families. It wasn’t a bad idea honestly, since we were all going to be coming out of hiding and it would be increasingly difficult to hide what we really were. 

“It’s foolproof,” he told me in bed one morning, as we were still contemplating ever getting up, “If we’re both in committed relationships, then there’s no way anyone can justify rumors that we’re together.” I didn’t like it at first. I didn’t like lying to anyone, much less the people that meant the most to me. But Pete meant more to me, and I took his hand and held it up to the light shining in through my bedroom window, admiring the silhouette of the way his fingers fit perfectly in mine. 

“Alright, let’s hire me a wife.” 

It was...a process to say the least. There were several people hired to undertake this task, combing through social media, interviews, pictures, anything that might hint to the sort of person we would be attracted to or end up with. The ladies they finally set us up with were both so lovely and nice about the whole thing, but I couldn’t help but feel like they went home at the end of the day and judged us for the choices we were making. But I guess going home with Pete made everything worth it, even if the going home meant tinted windows and waiting until the sun had set. 

There is a reason that we are the most hidden “celebrities” in the scene. The same people who were hired to set up this elaborate plan made sure that no one ever suspected our residences or our cars or ANYTHING about us got out to the public. It was a whole ordeal that needed to be secure every step of the way. 

All of this was a small part of the comeback however. Everything about the new album felt like a dream this time around. I felt protected and I had a new partner to do it with. Joe and Andy were surprisingly welcoming and adjusted really well to the new way things were. I think it’s because not much changed in reality. Pete and I had always been this way with each other, and putting a label on it was not only expected, but didn’t do much to alter the show of our relationship. I didn’t want to admit it, but being “hotter” was a lot of fun too. I felt like a real idol for the first time in my life, and not some kid who was just filling a position. I don’t know if it was the actual changes in my body, or the fact that I had my dream man to go home to. 

Pete...the affection from this man was amazing. He treats me like gold, like treasure he polished daily and kept close to him lest it get away. I was a trophy wife in every sense of the word. It sounds ridiculous, but it was true. Oh how I wish I could have played the part on those red carpets, press releases, even band photo shoots. It was always this strained teasing, this hinting to the overwhelming energy in the room. 

It continued on throughout the comeback. No one suspected anything, just like we’d hoped. I was married, I had a child with this wife supposedly, Pete had two other children besides his true biological one. The fans ate it up, and the more time passed the less guilty I felt. I didn’t have to deal with the backlash that would have ensued had we gone public with this, but I still got to hold Pete close to me behind the scenes, know he was mine, and I finally had something to look forward to. It was like I got to have the fame of my past and a hopeful future. 

Our comeback tour ended, and we got to work on the next album. Things continued this way for a long time, touring, doing surprise appearances with our fake partners for paparazzi, and deepening our relationship together away from everyone else. I really thought that everything was perfect. 

Until the incident. 

It was right before the hype of Mania started to take off I believe. The album was done, and it was such a labor of love that I really did feel on top of the world. The thing about the band post hiatus was that we were doing whatever we wanted without letting outside influences change what we put out there. Again, I feel like me and Pete being together really impacted this thing for the better. I absolutely blame Heaven’s Gate for what happened. 

There’s this stupid little thing that Pete says to me, about me being an angel and him being a devil. He tells me that I’m going to have to be the one to convince God himself to let him into heaven. He wrote Heaven’s Gate for me, a long time before Mania actually got recorded. We were just playing around really, but he just couldn’t resist singing it to me in what we thought was a hidden outdoor area before we went onstage at a summer festival. It was so romantic, as I sat there strumming it on my guitar and his soft voice floating to my ears. I kissed him in that moment, and to my horror, I heard squeals and screams as soon as our lips met. We broke the kiss to see a small group of teenagers straining to see us through a natural barrier, and my heart sank as I realized that we were being watched. I thought everything was over then. My mind raced with all the things that would change as soon as these kids got on their phones. 

The next few hours was a blur of security and damage control, but at the end of the day we were reassured that nothing would happen from this. I didn’t believe them, as much as I wanted to. Pete helped to calm me down, but I slept alone for a good week before I felt safe enough to sleep in his arms again. 

I left social media after that. There was no shortage of interns that were more than willing to run that for me. I just didn’t want to run this risk any longer, I didn’t want to ruin what we had. I’ve missed all of you, really and truly. But I hope, after reading this, you understand why I had to leave. I want to assure you that you don’t mean any less to me. 

I’ll wrap things up in the next blog, for now I need to get some sleep.


	4. Entry Four: Hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick ends his confession and reveals his reason for starting the blog in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just took an online quiz called “What type of FOB stan are you?” and I got “horny Patrick stan” so I guess that’s just my new title now. Anyways, this is it, the ending of my first Peterick! I thought this was gunna be a one and done thing, but I’ve already started another one that is MUCH better and MUCH longer than this. Also, I changed my screen name so I’d have it before I started the next fic. It matches my tumblr screen name, so if you wanna connect with me, you can do it there! Thank you all for reading this, from the bottom of my heart. See you next Tuesday.

I need to explain something to you. Even though we have made so much progress in this country towards LGBT+ rights, there is still a lot of work to be done. There are a lot of things we still need to change before we can look at this as completely normal. Not only that, but it’s evolving each day. There are new orientations, new gender identities, and other elements to it that need to be explored and studied. If you are part of that group, then I aplaude you and your bravery. You were able to do something I couldn’t do for years. 

All throughout the Mania “era”, I hid. I hid who I was and I hid Pete. I feel like I really kept something beautiful from the world. But this is my second chance to start over. I feel like Now is the time to step up and be a role model for all the fans out there that need one. 

On January 1st, after spending the night with Pete at a house party, we were out for a walk on the beach. We had gotten up early to see the sunrise and ensure that we would be alone. It was definitely worth it. Pete always gives me that safe feeling that I crave, holding my hand, smiling at me like I’m the only joy in the world, making me forget that this is all secret. Our fake partners had both gone home to be with their families for the new year, so there was no pressure to pretend. The two of us would be going home together for the next week or so. 

I didn’t plan for things to go the way they did, but the moment was just too right to let it pass by. I admit, I didn’t even have a ring. But that morning, I proposed to Pete on the beach. I know it’s cliche, but it was right. It was us. Everything had led up to this, from the time we met to now. We had been best friends for as long as I can remember. From the beginning, there was me and Pete. 

Well, there you have it. I think I’ve told the whole story. It feels good to get that off my chest. Once again, I hope I haven’t disappointed any of you by hiding this for so long, and I hope you can forgive me. 

You all mean the world to us, and I hope you continue to support us through this next stage of our lives. See you out there.


End file.
